Square What? Scottish Food and Drink

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Scottish food and drink is not healthy said Joseph, my tour guide from the USA road trip, when he stayed with me in Edinburgh. Now, I thought that was rich coming from a boy from Buffalo, but I get his point. If you poll a sample of Scots ‘have you heard of quinoa?’ And our survey says…*eh-eh* (Family Fortunes).

Debunking the Scottish Food Myths
(haggis is not a furry animal)

#5 Irn Bru, Is It Made From Girders?

Irn Bru is brilliantly advertised, luminous orange liquid in a blue tin or a 20p (now 30p Craig assures me) glass bottle. It is affectionately known as ‘ginger’. Many Scots devour it on a Sunday morning, with a sausage sandwich, to kill or cure the hangover of doom. It’s actually made from Scottish people’s hair hence the nickname ‘ginger.’

#4 Square Sausage, WTF?

I know, I can’t eat it. Link sausage all the way, but many Scots like their sausage-shaped like a square. Maybe it’s because it fits neatly onto a Mother’s Pride piece (Scots for a sandwich). Brown or red sauce?! Like the sound of it – check out this review of a traditional full English Breakfast.

#3 Scotch or Whisky?

Jon Oliver once said that whisky tastes like a house on fire. This is sacrilegious but I concur! I get that the warm trickle of liquid down your throat on a chilly Scottish day is comforting but by hell it stings. I took a tour at the Laphroaig distillery in Islay (read about it here), highly recommended even as a vodka drinker! You get lots of nips included so whisky drinkers would love it even more. Don Draper drinks Scotch, Sean Connery drinks whisky.

—-> If you love whisky and scenery you must see our guide to Scotland’s North Coast 500! 500 miles around the Highlands soaking up the sights and sooking up the water of life!

#2 Tunnock’s Teacakes – How Do You Eat It?

• Peel off the shiny red and silver wrapper. Iron out the creases of the square
• Bite through the chocolate, swiping the mallow, with your tongue, in one full pelt
• Enjoy the biscuit
• Fold the wrapper into a triangle and throw at someone

#1 Deep Fried Mars Bars: Myth or Marvellous?
If you can’t freeze it or fry it, it’s not in the Scottish diet.

When I was at high school, a rumour was doing the mill – chippies (chip shops) were simmering Mars Bars (chocolate, mallow and caramel layers) in deep fat fryers, coating them in batter. I have yet to taste this or even see it in action. I tasted my first deep fat fried Mars Bar in La Paz, Bolivia. It is not a myth, now it is a fantasy! During university, my English flatmate and I went on the hunt in Glasgow but did not prevail. We were fobbed off with the excuse that it messes up the fryers. This will now be my mission before we leave in March- to find a deep fat fried Mars Bar. 

To conclude, 1 in 4 Scots are obese, but I’d like to point out one thing, Joseph, the American Tour Guide, introduced me to s’mores! ‘Nough said.

What’s your favourite national food?